A T-shirt is more than a piece of apparel. It is your personal billboard and art gallery, a way to say something to every person who dares to look at you, even (or especially) people you’d otherwise never consider speaking to. The right message can spark up conversations between strangers, ignite lifelong loves and friendships, and get you kicked out of that boring math lecture.

The beauty of an ironic cool retro T-shirt is that you can flash the creativity and humor of the designer, and get all the credit for the cleverness.

Just wearing a T-shirt is a statement. Long a symbol of non-conformity, perhaps the most appealing feature of the design is incompatibility with a necktie. The freedom to define what appears across your chest is unknown in the stiff world of corporate boardrooms, armies, and the uniformed masses of identically clad service workers who every day let someone tell them how to dress in exchange for a meager paycheck.

Even if you happen to be one of these unfortunates, hopefully the weekend offers you the chance to pick out your own clothes. Some choose to use it to give free advertising to favorite band or product. Others devote that space to political or philosophical messages.

We Morons, however, have weakness for the weird, like this hysterical Head Zeppelin Funny Heavy Metal Rock T-Shirt. Reminds me of that guy we let crash on the couch because he really knows his licks.

Are you an Adrenaline Junkie? Was your family kidnapped by ninjas? No matter what the special needs of you twisted sense of humor, among these unique designs there will surely be something that speaks from the depths of your misunderstood soul.

Tired of getting bothered by every boob in the bar checking out your boobs? Let them see this Speak to the Hand Funky Women’s T-shirt when they try to sneak a peak while angling to drop a pick up line. Ladies, you don’t have to put up with these jerks! Now, you won’t even have to waste your breath on them.

Sex Scandal Revelation Rocks Repubican Restrooms

(A.P.*-Toostoned, AZ)

In a shocking turn of events carefully calculated to distract attention from the plodding economy and deteriorating situation in the Middle East, Repubican Residential candidate Aridzona Senator Jon McCane has become the latest casualty in a domino of political sex scandals that have befallen members of Congress like a virulent STD over the last year.

From soliciting the vice squad in airport restrooms to ordering high-priced internet “escorts” online, the mighty have been falling in a series of ever more perverse and disturbing sex scandals.

The Senator has been linked to another online prostitution ring…but unlike recent tabloid celebrity Guvner Elliot Spitzher of New Yoke, Senator McCane is being investigated for being the provider of paid sexual services.

“We’re all very shocked,” an undisclosed source high within the Repubican party claimed, distancing himself from charges of a cover-up. “We thought Jon was clearing at least a hundred bucks an hour.”

Like the recent allegations against Spitzher, these charges revolve around a filthy online escort service. The website- DirtyOldMenDoItForMoney.info- appears to be a sleazy call-boy service which caters to the niche market in age-weathered studs who’d be otherwise put to pasture. The domain is registered to one “Dick Chainey” and hosted on offshore servers located in the jungles of Tanzania.

Users of the site can bid from $20-$100/hour for the services of a distinguished older gentleman. The menu includes such exotic specialties as groping, slobbering, and the premium “Ham and Cheese” service.

“We’re not sure whether the Senator has ever actually had any clients,” admitted FYI director Bob Mullett. “In fact, there’s a strong suspicion that McCane himself set this up, in an effort to compete with such headline grabbers as Larry Craig and Bob Packwood. There’s a feeling around the McCane campaign the Jon isn’t the kind of sexy candidate that commands the attention of the Murican people.”

“So our preliminary investigation suggests that Jon wasn’t being paid at all, but rather setting up fake profiles and leaving himself obscene comments to, um, look cool.”

The McCane campaign had no comment other than to note that the website does not define what “It” is, and could in fact refer to anything. When questioned as to what else “It” could possibly mean, spokesman Buck Rogers suggested that “It” might mean golf, which McCane plays religiously.

When asked what the “dirty” meant in that context, however, Rogers back-pedalled and decided that “It” must refer to camping, after all. “Gathering wood can make even the most hygienic old men dirty.”

* AP Associated Pranksters

Happy Holy Fool’s Day!

The Great (.asia) Land Grab

Outside of the webmaster world, the average internet user can barely spell TLD, let alone define it. For domainers and SEO-driven site flippers, however, the availability of a new ICAAN-approved domain extension means opportunity. Languages, like land, are vast but finite…and each word can only be used once per extension.
For those who think SEO was a pop-rock band of the eighties (possibly Speedwagon?), the appearance of a new TLD is like finding a new continent to plunder. The dictionary, long worn out for .com and most .net and .org domain names, suddenly becomes virgin territory.
If you host with a full service registrar, you may have received an invitation to invest in the newest public offering, available as of March 26: .asia. Touted as a valuable tool to reach the gigantic market of the Pacific Rim, this release seems more like a ploy to bring vast resources to the coffers of registration entities.

Certainly, nearly half of the world’s population resides in Asia. One might even argue that a significant number in each nation are literate in a Latin-lettered laguage. The covered area includes Australia, for example, for reasons which are a bit unclear, since the Land Down Under already has its own .au extension and is generally considered a continent distinct from Asia.

Most other affected countries also have national Top Level Domain assignments, such as China, India and Malaysia, in addition to being able to use the internationally available standard extensions. So the notion of a “regional” TLD for Asia seems redundant.

In general, the pitch is to those who are after ranking on google.com, not google.asia. Although there is a technical requirement that the registrant have ties to one of the 73 participating countries, the real duckets are being poured into English-language terms. Naturally, the premium words have all been reserved and auction at absurdly high prices reflective of the quick-buck nature of the release.

But these domains are not being registered by primarily by Asian companies, nor (except for the gullible) those who wish to market to Asian consumers. After all, when you market to a population, you do it in their language. And the undeniable reality is that the vast majority of Asians use a written idiogram-based system which will not regard .asia as any different from the other foreign symbols which appear in international search results.
Overall, it looks as if the major participants in the mad rush for short, dictionary .asia domains have not been internationally minded commercial concerns vying to be more accessible to the Asian audience, but, like .cn before it, cybersquatters and spam-oriented darkhatted SEO’s who know the value of keyword-rich domains.

Every once in a while we hear from someone that the Book of Moron is supposed to be some sort of reference to their Church, which seems to be some kind of LSD cult in Wyoming or something. I don’t honestly know much about this group, but in fact the choice of domain and title had nothing to do with these cats with their bicycles and neckties.

So please stop coming to my house. There’s a reason there’s no welcome mat. Besides the fact that we live in a bus.

In fact, the Book of Moron was one of those all-too-common great ideas concocted a little too soon after Northern California’s harvest season: a brief religious tract emphasizing the sacred nature of profanity. This text would explicate the Magma, a set of changing disbeliefs, and serve as the main holy text for the Church of the Mountain’s Daughter of Latter-Day Pranksters.

See? Our thing is totally different.

Unfortunately, the project was heavily outweighed by its predecessors…some of which have been reviewed below and others in postings to come.

If you feel that your religion is somehow besmirched by this blog, then I have one question for you: why does www.mormon.org pay to be listed in Google for the phrase Book of Moron?

Chincy bastards…they only bid enough to rank third!

Next the Flying Spaghetti Monster people will come after us because they think they invented joke religions too.

So, you've probably been asking yourself, "How can I help those dorks at Book of Moron get a life?"

Well, we can't go anywhere until at least a million of you have visited and in some way contributed to enriching our PayPal account; therefore, in kindness to you, our reader, we have devised a handy list of the ways that you can support Book of Moron and the Church of the Mountain's Daughter of Latter-Day Pranksters.

#1. Splatter our Banner! This will cost you only a few pixels. 468 x 60 to be exact. Display the Book of Moron banner. Put it on your website, your blog, your MySpace, your local tavern bathroom wall, (preferably right above the toilet paper) but please include the clickable link so that others may visit and taste the madness.

Copy and paste the appropriate code into your corner of the web.

<a href="http://www.bookofmoron.com/"><img src=http://www.bookofmoron.com/bookofmoron.gif" border="0" alt="Book of Moron - Irreverent Satire and Parody"> </a>

If for some reason you are not able or willing (why not?!) to post an animated gif, you may post the still frame jpg version below:

<a href="http://www.bookofmoron.com/"><img src=http://www.bookofmoron.com/bookofmoron.jpg" border="0" alt="Book of Moron - Irreverent Satire and Parody"></a>

...or, if you're really tight with your virtual real estate you can use this simple 125x125 pixel button (perfect for sidebars)

<a href="http://www.bookofmoron.com/"><img src="http://www.bookofmoron.com/moron.jpg" border="0" alt="Book of Moron - Irreverent Satire and Parody"></a>

or even text: Book of Moron : Irreverent Satire and Parody

<a href="http://www.bookofmoron.com/"><b><i>Book of Moron : Irreverent Satire and Parody</i></b></a>

And, of course, feel free to blog about us.

2. Subscribe! See that swanky RSS logo at the top of the side bar? Use it! Also 100% free and, as a bonus, you'll be alerted whenever we choose to impose some idiocy on the world. Subscribe to the RSS feed.

3. Bookmark us! See the other neat logo beneath the RSS button? Use it to pump our articles on popular bookmarking sites. You can also use those sweet little icons where it says Share and Enjoy at the bottom of this and every other post.
Be sure to bookmark every single post to each of your Social Bookmarking communities.

4. Or if that's too much, you can just donate to our biodiesel / coffee fund to keep the carnival bus rolling on the road. Yes, we really do live in a converted church bus powered by all-natural biodiesel.